How To Introduce Sex Toys In The Bedroom With Your Partner

Sexual Health

How To Introduce Sex Toys In The Bedroom With Your Partner

Editorial Team

In this article, we'll be covering the benefits of introducing sex toys in the bedroom, how you can broach the subject with your loved one, the different kinds of sex toys available and the maintenance tips you need to be aware of to make sure you both have a safe and enjoyable time.

So Why Incorporate Sex Toys In the Bedroom 

Why would anyone want to use a sex toy during intercourse? Isn’t the point of sex to connect with your real-life partner?

Sex toys don’t necessarily diminish that connection; in fact, they can even enhance it. Finding new ways to pleasure one another and giving your sex life a much-needed refresh can work wonders for a relationship, and bring a couple closer together.

Beyond that, though, most women require certain types of stimulation in order to have an orgasm. Specifically, most women require at least some clitoral stimulation to get off, according to the Mayo Clinic. And while you certainly don’t need a vibrator to play with your clitoris, it can help, especially if you need more powerful stimulation than you or your partner can administer on your own. Plenty of people can only get off with the help of a vibrator, and that’s nothing to be ashamed about.

How To Introduce Sex Toys To Your Partner 


Avoiding floating the idea of adding toys for the first time during sex as it puts your partner in a high-pressure position to either agree immediately in order to keep the moment going, or hit pause on sexytime altogether. It also might make it seem like you were more focused on what was missing rather than enjoying the probably very nice sex you two were just having. 

However, If your partner is not open to the conversation or idea, don’t force toys on them with insistence or ultimatums. Instead, trying to talk (then or later) about why that idea makes them uncomfortable, then finding ways down the road to address any fears or stigmas about toys or sex that they may harbor.

Let's Go Shopping 

If you and your partner are truly beginners at using sex toys together, it can be a really good idea to follow your curiosities and familiarize yourself with what options are out there. More than that, it’s an incredible opportunity to talk with your partner about your interests and can double as foreplay.

You can do this online or in person. When you shop in a boutique, you have the advantage of seeing and feeling toys in person, which might give you a better idea of what you like. Another benefit of shopping in person is that there are salespeople there who can answer your questions for you, and if you find something you like, you get to take it home and use it right away.

If you're both a little shy, shopping online is private, which might give you more space to talk comfortably about what draws you to certain toys and how you’d use them—and you can go into a lot more detail than you would in public.

Choosing The Most Appropriate Sex Toy For The Both Of You

Consider getting a small non-threatening sex toy if you both are beginners. This will also help if your partner has some insecurities about there being a third party in the bedroom as you don’t want to come home with a large phallic vibrator. 

Try something that fits between your bodies (for intercourse) or adds a little extra buzz to other sex acts like a small, bullet-shaped vibrator, or a clitoral stimulator. Gentle items like  feathers or soft blindfolds are also great additions for beginners.

If you prefer penetrative intercourse, consider incorporating toys like a cock rings. You both might find that making one change at a time is easier when trying something brand new as cock rings don't require significant changes to your sexual routine. 

While vibrators are thought to be specifically for women, men too can enjoy them as well.  Your partner may not realize it yet, but a vibrator against the end of his penis, his scrotum, or his perineum (that ultra sensitive spot between his anus and the base of his penis), can feel amazing.

Take It Slow, Be In the Moment

Like anything sex-related, communication is key. Be verbal with your partner about what feels good and doesn’t feel good. Tell them where to move, how much pressure they should use. If something hurts, tell them to stop.

Don't Forget Lube

Making sure everything is lubed up is key when using sex toys to make it more pleasurable and to eliminate uncomfortable rubbing, chafing or pain. But it is even more important to know which kind of lube to use depending on the material of your sex toy.  

Silicone lube is a great option as it is long-lasting, slippery and meant for longer sessions. However, silicone lube can also interact with silicone sex toys and melt them! To prevent this, you should only use water-based lubricant when using silicone sex toys. 

You should also avoid getting or using lube that contains parabens and glycerin as it is possible that they can affect your hormonal levels. 

Keep Safe

When sharing a sex toy with a partner, the cleaning before and after is made even more important. 

If your sex toys is improperly cleaned or stored, it is possible that the transmission of various STDs could occur. To be safe, you should always sterlize your sex toy before using and sharing it with someone else. 

Follow your manufacturer's instructions on the sterilization process, as the material of each sex toy is different and requires different care. 

When sharing a sex toy with a partner, it always recommended that you use a condom on the toy to prevent the spread of STDs. You should replace the condom with a new one before swapping. 

Remember: Using Sex Toys With Your Partner Doesn't Mean Your Sex Life Is DOA

This assumption seems contradictory, as sex toys do not detract from sex. In fact, they enhance the overall sexual experience (both soloed and partnered). A far cry from the dead on arrival status. 

It's been reported that couples who are open to experimenting with sex toys are more likely to have more satisfactory sex experiences than couples who don't. Single women who use sex toys are more likely to be fufilled in their solo sessions than single women.